at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
