youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
