Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
