the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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