The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Two words: blizzard sex
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
