You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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