remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
