The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
