just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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