What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
