I swear god or herbie drove my car home
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
