I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
