I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
