evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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