If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
