I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
