somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
