omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
