wat bout pragnant strippers??
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
