yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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