Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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