there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
