there's paper in my vomit.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
