I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
