You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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