i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
