I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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