its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
