Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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