She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
