True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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