I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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