oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
