Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Randomize
