Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Randomize
