sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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