Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
