North Korea, Best Korea!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
