Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
