I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
