If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
