who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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