I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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