I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
