:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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