So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Someone came in the potted fern
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
