so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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