Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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