No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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