1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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