i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Michael Bay diarrhea
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
