my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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